Most of us are pretty good at showing up for our children, our loved ones, our pets… and yet not so good at showing up for ourselves. When we offer ourselves the same unconditional love we offer our children, transformation can occur.
A few years ago I started out on a journey to try to love myself unconditionally. I did not know what I was getting myself into. It has been a wild ride of deep pain coming to the surface. And that pain needs to be met with love. It is always wonderful when a partner or a friend, sibling or parent can show up for us in our pain. But that is not the transformational element. That is important, but not transformative. When we show up within ourselves for the deep emotional pain that surfaces in our lives, that is transformative.
I use an exercise when this deep pain shows up. I speak to my inner wounded child from my healthy adult self. This is simply a construct that allows us to send love to the deep pain we are holding. Rather than avoiding it, rather than reaching to another to sooth it, rather than blaming another for causing it (all things I have done) allow yourself to sit and breathe and feel this deep emotional pain. This is not fun, but it is important and you will survive it. Then, with all the love you would give to your own child or pet or friend, speak to this wounded part of yourself. It will sound weird, feel bizarre, but do it anyway. It may sound something like this, “I know you are in pain. I want you to know, I am here for you and I love you. I will always love you. And I will never leave you. There is nothing that you could do that would make me stop loving you. I am here for you and it is ok for you to feel this pain. I am here with you and I am not leaving.” Yep, sounds weird to have this conversation within yourself, but no one has to know, so maybe just let yourself be weird.
This is just one of many ways to send and feel the healing power of love within. Meditation, breath work, light work all help us meet these areas of pain with unconditional love. I have experienced the transformations that this can help bring about, and so have many of the clients I work with. It has helped me release levels of codependency that were hanging on after years of therapy. It helped me stop blaming others for my own pain. It brought me to a sense of deep trust and relaxation that allowed me to be more compassionate to those around me, and much more.
It’s not rocket science. It’s just love. And it is transformative. Give it a try and see what happens.