The co-dependent partner wakes up to the awareness that she is codependent. The veil has been lifted. Wonderful. Now the hard work begins. Now the codependent begins the journey of showing up for the neediness that she experiences inside. Rather than asking the partner to show up and soothe the neediness - which is an activation of codependence - she needs to actually face the shadow within. The wounding, perhaps the original abandonment, whatever it is, that brought her to a position of codependence. The antidote is facing the pain within, showing up for it, bringing compassion to yourself and with this compassion listening to and being present with the pain you hold. Our ability to simply be present with our pain is crucial. It can seem miraculous, the change that occurs when we are able to simply be present with our pain, stay with it, feel it, let it move through us so that it can shift and move on. Healing our pain is our responsibility, healing is an inside job.
I can liken this process to what is unfolding in our country. This election, whatever side you are on, has made us all step into awareness. The veil has been lifted. It has become quite clear that we, as a country, are in pain. And we must shift the way we have been operating. We can not afford to engage the tools of avoidance, projection, blame, or judging the other. We cannot afford to do this internally and we cannot afford to do this externally. We must learn to sit in the uncomfortable space and show up for the other who is in pain, whoever they are. We must listen to and show up with compassion for the pain of the other, whether the other is our own shadow, or the person down the block from us.
Any part that is cast off in an effort to avoid, whether inside or outside ourselves will begin to be seen as a threat. But this is not true. We have created the threat through the lens of fear, and that fear grows through the mechanism of avoidance. I am not saying there are not real threats in this world. But I am saying many things we perceive as a threat are held in this position due to our own inability to feel, our inability to face our fears and our pain. We must be courageous enough to listen with compassion to the pain of the other. The internal other, the shadow part of our own nature, and the external other, our neighbor who holds different beliefs than our own. We must show up with compassion and be willing to feel the the things that make us uncomfortable. We must stop casting those things out, we must listen and feel if we want to become a healthy, whole organism.
I hope we may all begin the journey of feeling more deeply. Healing is an inside job. A job whose time has come. We must each take up the mantle and become responsible for how we handle our own fear and our pain. It is time.